Dick Joke Four of Seven

Today's Dick Joke:


"My dick is so small, physicists can only measure it indirectly."

My thoughts:

If you know anything about science, you might be amused by this, but if you are a scientific moron, it might not quite hit the mark--like my dick. I messed around with the phrasing on this one trying to work in the word "neutrino" but ultimately I thought shorter was better--like my dick.

Actually, I did a little reading, and some possible jokes in this vein (sorry) could go something like:

"My dick is so small that scientist claim that the smallest particles in the universe are quarks, leptons and my dick."

Or

"My dick is so small physicists are trying to determine how it moves."

Or yet another version of the joke would go like this:

"My dick is so small that scientists have numerous ways to determine the size of it, depending on what you can assume is known. For example, if you know that one mole of any substance contains Avogadro's number of atoms and weighs the atomic weight in grams of that substance, you can trim a piece of that material until its mass in grams equals its atomic weight. Then measure the volume and divide by Avogadro's number to find the volume of one atom. Taking the cube root of that volume gives the length of a side of a cube which would just contain that atom.

For example, consider my dick whose atomic weight is 55.847 and density is about 7.874 gm/cm^3. So 7.09 cm^3 of my dick has a mass of 55.847 gm and contains Avogadro's number of atoms. Dividing 7.09 cm^3/mole by 6.022 x 10+23 atoms/mole, you get 1.18 x 10-23 cm^3/my dick. Taking the cube root of this gives a size of 2.28 x 10-8 cm.

A more direct way, though not as simple to understand, is by scattering x-rays off a crystal of my dick. The crystal acts like a diffraction grating with a slit spacing equal to the atomic spacing (which is just the size of the atoms). From analyzing the diffraction patterns, it is possible in a straightforward way to determine the relative positions of the layers of atoms and determine the size of my dick."

I ultimately did not use this version because it would be hard to understand, memorize, doesn't use the phrase "my dick" often enough and is of course, too long, like my dick.

Challenge Accepted: A Dick Joke A Day For A Week

After a lot of thought, and some inspiration from Joe Janes, I have decided to embark on an epic journey of my own. I have decided to post one dick joke a day for an entire week here at my new blog.

Here’s how it will work.

1) I will post the first draft of one dick every night before going to bed. A dick joke is any joke you can make about your own or someone else’s dick, how they use it or don’t use it, the size of it, including length and girth or lack thereof. This includes “My dick is so big” jokes, “My dick is so small” jokes, boner jokes, flacid humor, and generally any joke with the word “dick” in it.

2) Six night of the week will be original dick jokes generated specifically for this project. On Sunday night, I will post a revised dick joke that was previously written but has never been produced on stage. I actually have a lot of those, but for this project I will only need to use the one dick joke I wrote back in 1998.

3) I will also include my thoughts on the dick joke, how it was developed and internal and external updates on the project itself as the spirit moves me or in response to feedback and questions. This is the teacher in me. I want this to be a beneficial experience for other writers of dick jokes.

4) All material is copyrighted by me and may not be used in any form or media without express written permission by me or the baseball commission. Actually, forget it, my dick jokes are yours for the taking.

5) Feedback on material in the comment section is invited and encouraged. You may also offer up challenges/suggestions on what kinds of dick jokes you would like to see me try to write.

6) These are to be considered first drafts. Works in progress. I am free to rewrite any or all dick jokes.

So that’s it. Here is Dick Joke One of Seven:

“My dick is so small that I got a tattoo of a ruler on the side of it and it only went to 18 inches. Wait, that’s a ‘my dick is so big joke!'”

My thoughts:

Okay, I liked this first one. It seems like it’s kind of funny, what with the image of a ruler being tattooed on a penis and how painful that would be and stuff. I basically sat down with a blank slate, and as you might have noticed I got a little confused because I thought I was writing a “My dick is so small” joke but in the end it was a “my dick is so big joke.” But I decided to just keep it that way because I liked that it had a twist ending, just like my dick.

Wow, only six more to go! See you tomorrow.